Donut

Throughout history, there have been an abundance of ridiculous speeches made by political figures. The Iraqi Minister of Information, Mohammad Saeed al-Sahhaf could barely open his mouth without making a fool of himself. The tabloids aptly nicknamed him Comical Ali.

At present, David Cameron is doing his best to give him a run for his money. However, The Americans still hold the title with the classic JFK speech in Berlin. Ich bin ein Berliner. The most powerful man in the world described himself as a donut.

It could of been worse. He could have been in Paris. To the Germans, a Pariser is a condom.

eBay

eBay has revolutionised shopping. Supposedly, there is nothing that can't be sold in this global market place. If you've got a second hand scud missile, there is someone willing to bid for it. If you've got a phial of anthrax virus, no problem, the bids will come thick and fast. There's probably someone out there successfully negotiating the sale of to a Malaysian airplane.

With that in mind, why can't I offload my Jim'll Fix It badge?

Lazy Fox

There was a time when I empathised with foxes. Harried from pillar to post by baying hounds and chinless wonders. That was until I read an article about a fox that had travelled a record breaking 40 miles from its home. I was not impressed.

Foxes have got it easy. If I want to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records, I'm required to crack a couple of hundred walnuts with my forehead or eat a Vauxall Astra.

On The Bright Side

Do you have a rear that resembles two zeppelins colliding in a pair of pants?
Have puffins attempted to nest in the crevices between your rolls of fat?
Have you been having sleepless nights due to you lack of a Valentines card......again?

Chins up fatty, it's pancake day tomorrow!

Bullying

Children can be cruel. Bullying in schools across the globe is endemic. However, it is often the parents of the victims that provide the catalyst. If parents give their offspring a stupid name, what outcome do they expect when their child interacts with their peers at school? When Mr & Mrs Peacock named their son Drew, there was only ever going to be one result. It amazes me that the name Adolf still frequents books of children's names.

When Toby Flood first got picked for the England rugby team, I had my concerns. Toby is not the hardest of names. I find it difficult to believe there has ever been a school bully called Toby. It is high unlikely that a Toby ever stole your dinner money. at least the Welsh rugby player Toby Falatau had the sense to change his name to Taulupe. Not the name I would have chosen, but nevertheless a big step in the right direction.

The Vikings had the right idea. Vikings earned their names through great trials and deeds, rather than just settling for their birth name. Eric Bloodaxe and Thorfinn Skullsplitter did terribly well. Not so Harald Finehair!

Toxoplasma Gondii

14% of Beluga Whales in the Western Arctic are infected with the parasite Toxoplasma Gondii. The surprising thing about this statistic is that Toxoplasma Gondii is a parasite most commonly found in cats. So how did this happen? I accept the fact that flooding has brought species together that would not usually share the same environment. Worcestershire, for example, now has a seal called Keith enjoying a winter break in the flood waters of the river Severn. However, I don't think it has been getting  jiggy with the local animal life.

Perhaps scientists have spotted an opening for new designer pets more suited to are climatic changes. I'm not a big fan of tampering with nature, but a can see an obvious advantage. Whenever a new popular product comes on the market, there is always someone trying to make a quick buck by producing a cheaper version. Our Chav population could soon be thinned out by crayon eating window lickers trying to cross pitbulls with crocodiles. However, on the negative side, nobody beats the Nazis when it comes to mad eugenics. Who knows what they would come up with?

Going back to the subject in hand, Toxoplasma Gondii has been known to cause blindness in the host, according to the BBC. Wouldn't blind whales be a danger to shipping?

More Flooding

Once again our nation is under water. The flood defences proved inadequate. Roads are cut off and many house have been abandoned.

To add insult to injury, the country is now being battered by gale force winds, bringing down power lines and trees. However, on the bright side, the abundance of available falling wood is providing a useful resource for raft building.