Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Congratulations Dunelm

In a previous post I made mention of the fact that many stores do little to challenge obesity. Wide aisles allow easy access to cakes and pies. Not exactly the most pro-active way of challenging gluttony.

With this in mind, a recent trip to Dunelm did much to improve my opinion of the endeavours of retailers in the fight against obesity. Dunelm cunningly placed their cafeteria on the top floor. Not only does this force the chubsters to climb the stairs, thus burning additional calories, but they also had the foresight to place steel posts at the top of the stairs to restrict access. Anyone exceeding a certain mass would be unable to pass between the posts.
Well played Dunelm!

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Happy Days!

When it comes to being Cool, it has widely become accepted that The Fonz was the King of Cool. Henry Winkler's character was a 70's icon. Girls loved him, boys wanted to be him. Unfortunately, as is evident by the stories coming to light regarding other 70's icons, the naivety of yesteryear hid many dark secrets. Nobody spotted the warning signs with Gary Glitter, Stuart Hall, Jimmy Savile and by the looks of things, possibly Rolf Harris.

In the case of The Fonz, all the clues were staring us in the face. He referred to the toilets of a diner as his office and frequently used the catch phrase "Sit On It". If that wasn't enough to put him under suspicion, surely anyone who hangs around with two ginger kids must have been up to no good!

Thursday, 8 May 2014

One Hit Wonder

Everybody seems to after their moment in the sun. They will go to any lengths in search of fame. There are the obvious avenues to exposure, X Factor, Britain's Got Talent and Big Brother. However, for the slightly more desperate, there is always The Jeremy Kyle Show or Embarrassing Bodies. Even Benefits Street has produced a few recognisable if slightly unsavoury characters, that are now appearing on various discussion programmes. 
However, There are more traditional tried and tested ways to gain your fifteen minutes of fame, without doing your dirty laundry in public or selling your soul to Simon Cowell. Churning out a smash hit record, being one of the more obvious methods. With the advent of the Internet and in particular YouTube, opportunities have never been greater. Although there are a couple of simple rules to follow should you choose this path to glory.

1. If you are satisfied with delivering a One hit Wonder, You would do well to include Japan in the title of your song. Turning Japanese by The Vapours, Big In Japan by Alphaville and Japanese Boy by Aneka all did extremely well, but none of them were ever heard from again.

2. If your wish your star to shine a bit brighter and have ambitions to leave an everlasting mark on musical history, you need to include the word Fandango in your lyrics. Whiter Shade Of Pale and Bohemian Rhapsody will forever be hailed as classics.
However, is this all seems like too much effort, you can try just taking your knickers off in Essex, Geordie land or the Welsh Valleys.