Thursday, 31 January 2013


I've finally got a new phone. So I'm now only about two years behind the times. At least I've made it into the 21st century. I contacted Mazuma Mobile to see if I could get any cash back for my old phone. I was greeted with a sharp intake of breath and was then promptly informed that it would cost me a tenner for them to take the old one off my hands.

Many people have predicted that advances in technology and the low cost of phones will see the demise of public phone boxes within the next few years. However, I'm not so sure. Granted a public phone will not play your favourite music or allow you to stalk your ex on social networking sites, but you can't eat your kebab out of the rain on a Saturday night or relieve yourself of a surplus of alcohol in a Apple iPhone 4S or a BlackBerry Z10.

Thursday, 24 January 2013


McDonald's are under pressure from Starbucks, Costa and Cafe Nero as the place to congregate for young people. In response to this, McDonald's have expanded their range of coffee and released commercials to create awareness.

According to one particular commercial that appears to be favoured at the moment, McDonald's have a coffee for every occasion. Whatever the message that you might wish to convey, McDonald's reckon that have the appropriate coffee to accompany it. So what type of coffee says I've sold your children on eBay to fund my Crack habit?

Friday, 18 January 2013


I've recently returned from a trip to Italy. What amazed me most about that country, was the amount of crap you can fit in a boot! Despite this, there are a lot of positives. For starters, you have to admire their liberal response to EU health and safety regulations. Apparently, it is OK to ride a bike after dark without any lights, as long as you are smoking a cigarette, to give other road users a clue as to your whereabouts.

What other country has vending machines littering the streets dispensing such essentials as tinned peas, sausages, cheese and tinned tuna? I shouldn't really be critical of their vending machine culture. I did spot a particular product available for sale in a vending machine that most certainly put a smile on my face. Can you believe that they actually sell condoms designed for those with Special Needs! This could quite possibly end up a little messy and a tad awkward, but at least they are encouraging them to have a bash, so to speak.

You have to take your hat off to the Italians attitude to fashion. Italy is probably the only place in the world where you can wear Burberry without having an ASBO. Fashion is an area where they still lead the world, and have done for over 2,000 years. They set the trend and the rest of the world follows. 2,000 years ago they nailed a bloke to a cross and blamed the Jews for it. That is a trend that has never gone out of fashion!

Thursday, 3 January 2013

Hairy Mary

So when do the Christmas festivities officially come to an end? When do we draw a veil over the season of great joy and goodwill to all mankind? My own personal experience today certain suggests they have certainly drawn to a close.

I proceeded to do my shopping in the supermarket in an orderly fashion. Managing not to shout at fat people with trolleys loaded with pies. Instead, I was polite and respectful, even whilst waiting in the queue behind what can only be described as inbred mutants for the self service checkouts.

 With only one dribbling buffoon left in front of me, a checkout became available. Probably distracted by something shiny, the creature failed to seize upon the opportunity presented to her. Fortunately, she had my thoughtful self in her vicinity to lend a helping hand. So in a clear steady voice, I pointed out that the lady with the moustache was now finished at the checkout.

You wouldn't believe the outcry that followed. anyone would think I had nailed a puppy to a bus!

Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Excuses Excuses!

A train hit a car at a level crossing in Yarnton, Oxfordshire today. So once again half of Britain's trains are now running late or not running at all. How much longer are we going to have to put up with this?

There are leaves on the track. There's snow on the track. There's a kidney, spleen and small intestine on the track. it's just one excuse after another!