Thursday, 31 October 2013

Trick Or Treat

Halloween is upon us once again. A time when children joyfully get dressed up in all manner of costumes and go door to door in an attempt to achieve a sugar induced coma.
I always go the extra mile to make sure my household is stocked to accommodate their demands. Nothing says Halloween more than a nice homemade Toffee Onion. Both a trick and a treat!

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Economic Migration

Economic migration is nothing new. For centuries, people have upped sticks and gone in search of greater financial opportunities in foreign lands. You can't blame people for trying to better themselves.
However, before making the move, it is important to research the particular market you intend to compete in. Success is often dependent on the laws of supply and demand.
Much has been made in the news lately about an unscrupulous group of entrepreneurs that have been shipping prostitutes from Brazil to Africa. I don't claim to be an expert on in this particular market, but I would have thought Africa has enough prostitutes of there own, without importing any additional ladies of the night.
Isn't that a bit like shipping fat people to America, or rude people to Germany!

Friday, 25 October 2013

Mad Max Factor

Scientists often claim that the one thing that will survive a nuclear apocalypse is the cockroach. They are hardy creatures and I don't dispute this. However, they will not stand alone as the only surviving remnant of the past. If the likes of Mad Max, Doomsday and Cyborg have taught us anything, it is that peroxide and extreme cosmetics will also pass through a major catastrophe unharmed.

Wednesday, 16 October 2013


I have often been accused of being unnecessarily cruel to fat and obese people. However, I do feel they have a valued place in our society.
The fat have a significant impact on the property market. Their humongous bulk affects the supply and demand of houses. Much like Daleks, they are unable to negotiate stairs, thus restricting them to the bungalow market. This reduces the demand for multi-storey accommodation. Which in turn lowers house prices for normal people.

Friday, 11 October 2013

Endangered Species

The Slow Loris appears on the IUCN Red List as an endangered species. An all to familiar story. Throughout history, numerous species have become extinct. This is nothing new.

The Dodo became extinct because it was a docile tasty bird that could not fly. Thus providing mankind with a handy snack in the absence of fast food restaurants.

Animal rights activists would have you believe that this was a bad thing. However, nature evolves to allow new animals to flourish in the absence of others. Had they been present at the time, would they have been campaigning for the survival of the velociraptor? Surely the existence of mankind is also part of nature's rich tapestry.

So back to the Slow Loris. Perhaps it is part of the grand design that they should also fall by the wayside. I think the clue is in the name. There is no Fast Loris on the IUCN Red List.

Friday, 4 October 2013

Dragons' Den

I love the television programme Dragons' Den. It never ceases to amaze me, some of the crack pot ideas that people come up with in a futile attempt to gain wealth and glory. Be it crash helmets for cats or shopping trolleys with headlights, there is always some lunatic seeking a fortune against the odds. Long may it continue.

I'm not short of the odd idea myself. Consequently, here's one I would like to pitch. Have you ever noticed that penguins never seem to suffer from cold feet, despite walking around on ice all day? Forget about thermal insoles. How about penguin shoes? Penguins come in all shapes and sizes, from little Rock Hopper penguins to the much larger Emperor penguins. No matter what your shoe size, there is a penguin to fit.