Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Public Toilets

Many public toilets are modernising their facilities. Replacing their old roller towels with new high powered hand dryers. Good news for normal folk, not so good for the fatties!
Due to their enormous bulk, they are unable to reach certain extremities. Hygiene is already an issue for them due to their excessive sweating (usually in the presence of salad or at he suggestion of physical activity). The inability to wipe will only add to the problem. At least with roller towels they can floss the parts they can't reach.

Thursday, 24 July 2014


It started with Jackass. A group of young foolhardy Americans subjecting themselves to all manner of painful or risky behaviour for the benefit of entertainment. The Dirty Sanchez team swiftly jumped on the bandwagon. Since then, there have been numerous copycat shows and spin offs. 
Such antics are now commonplace on rugby tours and stag nights. Challenges are even laid down internationally via social media sites. 
Goldfish are consumed, fireworks inserted, buildings are jumped from and collisions arranged. Despite warnings issued from the Jackass team on both their television programs and movies.
Obviously these warnings go unheeded. This only adds to the appeal for the youth of today. However, here's a little tip for you that I found out the hard way. Before you start nailing extremities to the furniture, just make sure you haven't left your pliers in your toolbox in the shed!

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Smoking Beagles......An After Thought

In an earlier post, I brought up the issue of what to do with smoking beagles if we cease to continue to experiment on them. A problem to which I did not offer a solution. Anyone that has experienced a smoker trying to quit their habit first hand will tell you that they can get a little bit snappy! If this were a dog, someone is likely to get hurt. Consequently, releasing them back into society is not an option.

These dogs have led a miserable existence, and any vet would recommend that they should be put down. However, their demise can still offer something to society. A tasty snack in Korea! Not only that, but they would have that lovely smoked flavour!

Thursday, 10 July 2014

Horses For Courses

During his Vegas days, Sammy Davis Junior frequently had to enter the establishments that he was playing via the kitchen, due to totally unacceptable racist policies. Sammy found this very offensive and rightly so!

Barry White, on the other hand, preferred to enter establishments via the kitchen.

Friday, 4 July 2014

Smoking Beagles

I value human life above that of any animal. Except perhaps bears. Bears are cool. However, I find the practise of forcing beagles to smoke unacceptable. I know  I'm not alone in expressing this sentiment. Dog owners across the globe have not been shy about voicing their objections. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that releasing a pack of canines with a twenty a day habit back into the community is such a good idea.
There still remains the need for research into smoking, just as long as it blights our society. So I suggest replacing beagles with dolphins.There are two obvious advantages in this. Firstly, should the dolphins develop cancer, they wouldn't have to worry about losing their hair during chemotherapy. Secondly, their blow holes make ideal ashtrays.