Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Best Christmas Present Ever!

Choosing the right Christmas presents is never easy. As a consequence of this, most people end up with one or two gifts they would prefer to do without. However, every now and again, your loved ones get it spot on.

This year I received hair straighteners. Being follicly challenged, most people would probably consider this a rather inappropriate gift. However, it is awesome for cooking bacon, and turns out a lovely panini. 

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

The Romanians Are Coming!

The advent of the new year will be greeted by hoards of Romanians heading to our shores. Many of the population await their coming with fear and dread. However, I will be welcoming them with open arms.
Romania has a stray dog problem. Thousands of rabid canines roam their streets. However, one creative chap promised to solve his town's dog problem if he was to be elected mayor. Consequently, he was duly elected. The man was true to his word. On being elected, he proceeded to feed all of the town's stray dogs to the lions in the local zoo.

That kind of forward thinking is welcome. Although I would take it a bit further. We could thoroughly cleanse are streets by disposing of the junkies, drug pushers and chav scum that make many areas of our green and pleasant land a living hell for the local residents. With that lot out of the way there will be a few more quid available to the good honest folk.

Sunday, 15 December 2013

Good Manners

How did Germany and Japan ever becomes allies during the World War 2? The Japanese are usually so polite........... the Germans, not so!

Monday, 9 December 2013

Victorian Christmas Fayre

I recently visited one of the ever popular Victorian Christmas Fayres. Many traders were getting into the spirit of occasion by dressing in historical costumes, whilst Eastern Europeans joined in by picking a pocket or two.
The first thing that became abundantly clear, besides the fact that roast conkers make a poor substitute for roast chestnuts, was that traders felt it appropriate to treble the prices of wares if the vendor wore a top hat.
However, the quandary presented by the array of homemade products had a far greater impact in the following days. It turns out that it is virtually impossible to tell the difference between homemade fudge and homemade soap!

Friday, 6 December 2013


The Muppets never seem to appear on our television screens these days. Could be that we've hunted them to extinction?