Congratulations Dunelm

In a previous post I made mention of the fact that many stores do little to challenge obesity. Wide aisles allow easy access to cakes and pies. Not exactly the most pro-active way of challenging gluttony.

With this in mind, a recent trip to Dunelm did much to improve my opinion of the endeavours of retailers in the fight against obesity. Dunelm cunningly placed their cafeteria on the top floor. Not only does this force the chubsters to climb the stairs, thus burning additional calories, but they also had the foresight to place steel posts at the top of the stairs to restrict access. Anyone exceeding a certain mass would be unable to pass between the posts.

Well played Dunelm!

Happy Days!

When it comes to being Cool, it has widely become accepted that The Fonz was the King of Cool. Henry Winkler's character was a 70's icon. Girls loved him, boys wanted to be him. Unfortunately, as is evident by the stories coming to light regarding other 70's icons, the naivety of yesteryear hid many dark secrets. Nobody spotted the warning signs with Gary Glitter, Stuart Hall, Jimmy Savile and by the looks of things, possibly Rolf Harris.

In the case of The Fonz, all the clues were staring us in the face. He referred to the toilets of a diner as his office and frequently used the catch phrase "Sit On It". If that wasn't enough to put him under suspicion, surely anyone who hangs around with two ginger kids must have been up to no good!

One Hit Wonder

Everybody seems to after their moment in the sun. They will go to any lengths in search of fame. There are the obvious avenues to exposure, X Factor, Britain's Got Talent and Big Brother. However, for the slightly more desperate, there is always The Jeremy Kyle Show or Embarrassing Bodies. Even Benefits Street has produced a few recognisable if slightly unsavoury characters, that are now appearing on various discussion programmes. 

However, There are more traditional tried and tested ways to gain your fifteen minutes of fame, without doing your dirty laundry in public or selling your soul to Simon Cowell. Churning out a smash hit record, being one of the more obvious methods. With the advent of the Internet and in particular YouTube, opportunities have never been greater. Although there are a couple of simple rules to follow should you choose this path to glory.

1. If you are satisfied with delivering a One hit Wonder, You would do well to include Japan in the title of your song. Turning Japanese by The Vapours, Big In Japan by Alphaville and Japanese Boy by Aneka all did extremely well, but none of them were ever heard from again.

2. If your wish your star to shine a bit brighter and have ambitions to leave an everlasting mark on musical history, you need to include the word Fandango in your lyrics. Whiter Shade Of Pale and Bohemian Rhapsody will forever be hailed as classics.

However, is this all seems like too much effort, you can try just taking your knickers off in Essex, Geordie land or the Welsh Valleys.

Doubting Thomas

Ask most Christians who their favourite disciple is, and it's a fair bet that it isn't Thomas. Due to most interpretations of the Gospels, Thomas is often slightly looked down upon, due to his lack of faith. However, is the common interpretation a true reflection of the man?

Thomas, also known as Didymus was originally referred to as The Twin. Although his twin is never named. Perhaps the reason for this is not because he was a twin, but was actually just fat. Fat of biblical proportions.

When Jesus had risen from the grave and presented himself to his followers, Thomas is said to have doubted that it was actually Jesus himself. Perhaps Thomas was not actually expressing doubts and was merely looking to reduce the numbers of the group. Thus allowing for larger portions when they distributed their food . It was a a smart move on the part of Thomas. If Jesus was rejected, he gains a larger dinner. Whilst if Jesus is accepted, he loses the Twin tag. Unfortunately for him, he was then saddled with the name Doubting Thomas. Better than being known as the Fat Bloke though.

Baby On Board

I've never really understood why people feel the need to hang a little sign in the back window of their car announcing to the world that they have a Baby on Board. Do they honestly think it will impact on the attitude and driving skills of other road users. Generally speaking, my own sense of self preservation and desire to protect my own vehicle tends to be a sufficient incentive to drive carefully. Not once have I ever felt the need to increase my speed or reduce the breaking distance between myself and the car in front, just because they lacked the aforementioned sign.

So what point exactly is the driver in front trying to make with such a proclamation? Is it an attempt to brag about their ability to procreate? People have demonstrated the ability to reproduce since the birth of mankind, and judging by some of the dross frequenting daytime chat shows, it clearly does not require any particular gifts or skills. If they feel the need to make such a public declaration, then perhaps their limited intelligence should exclude them from taking the wheel of a motor vehicle.

By the time I've pondered the conundrum and passed judgement, my mind is sufficiently distracted and it's a little too late!

The London Marathon

Hours of pounding dog muck covered pavements came to fruition for thousands of runners yesterday in the London Marathon. The Great British public will be putting their hands in their pockets this week as they cough up thousands for pounds for a variety of good causes. Fair play, some of those runners really put themselves through hell.

Runners represented a complete cross section of our community. Besides Olympic trained athletes, there were the disabled, fun runners (many of which were in a variety of costumes) and celebrities. CJ de Mooi was hailed by the BBC as the fastest celebrity this year. I have no idea who is responsible for their research, but they clearly got that little gem wrong. Mo Farah came eighth, and there have been few better recognised celebrities than Mo over the past year.

The event got me thinking. If I was to run the London Marathon, what costume would I choose? Whatever it was, it would have to be something waterproof. After all, there is no way I could complete a run of that distance. Sooner or later, I would collapse into the gutter, and it would be just my luck that Paula Radcliffe would pee on me!

Dolphins

Dolphins generally get a good press. Many people have swimming with dolphins on their bucket list. We like dolphins! Well I don't!

When people are asked why they like dolphins, they usually quote the old chestnut about dolphins being as intelligent as humans. That is not much of boast in my opinion. Just look at the participants on the Jeremy Kyle Show (Jerry Springer Show for Americans).

 Just look around you. Everything that you see that has been manufactured was invented by humans. What have dolphins ever invented? I'll tell you what they haven't invented, a device for identifying tuna nets! Whenever this fact is pointed out, the usual comeback is to point out that the US Navy has trained dolphins to attach mines to the hulls of enemy ships. If they are so smart, why aren't they attaching some of those mines to the hulls of tuna fishing vessels?