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Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Dragons' Den 2

Not content with my Penguin shoes idea, I have another great money spinner to pitch to the panel on Dragons' Den.
Medical science has no cure for the common cold. The only option is to treat the symptoms in an attempt to reduce discomfort. The treatments are limited, with varying levels of success. Most people can cope with a cold, but find it may act as an unwanted distraction to daily life. This distraction is usually the result of the production of copious amounts of mucus.
Using similar technology as the Stadium Pal and Stadium Gal, why not produce a Nasal Colostomy. This would allow you to go about your business without the unwanted slug trails. I already have a target market in mind.
Truckers are not the best at multitasking. Even the average sober lorry driver in rude health is more than capable of causing chaos on our highways and byways, due to their excessively low IQ.
Add to this their existing distractions of searching out dogging sites on their SatNav, arranging appointments at the clinic to sort out the symptoms of their sexual indiscretions, formulating convincing lies for their wives, whilst seeking out secluded spots to dump the bodies of hitch hikers and hookers that they may have murdered along the way.
The addition of a heavy cold to this already heady collection of distractions and you have a recipe for disaster. However, the application of the Nasal Colostomy could well turn out to be a life saver, although not for the unfortunate hitch hikers and hookers!



45 comments:

  1. I now fear truckers and YOU!

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  2. I will never look at lorry drivers the same again.

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    Replies
    1. How did you look at them before?

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  3. Lorry drivers are scum. I nearly got raped after accepting a lift off one once.

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  4. Why do lorry drivers always smell of cheese/

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    Replies
    1. Knob cheese!

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    2. That's why I never stop at motorway service stations. I hate standing in queues next to them.

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  5. Replies
    1. Maybe she was doing an audition for ... wait for it.....
      SNOT the 9.00 News!!!!
      Hehehe

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  6. Did you see the programme on dogging on tv? It was all lorry drivers.

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    Replies
    1. Yes,, and if they were 'happy' to be doggers, WHY the masks? they fuck strangers so why bother with anonymity?? and the guys... pig ugly too... but I didn't see any nasal colostomies in use....

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  7. You forgot their other major distraction.....People trafficking!

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  8. Why do all lorry drivers think you will give them sex if they give you a lift. They don't easily take no for an answer. Dirty sods!

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    Replies
    1. THANKFULLY they've never asked me for sex if I've had a lift from them.... and they DO smell.... oil, cheese, monkeys and yes, stale pee and sweat!!

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    2. If they had asked you Neil, would you have obliged?

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  9. To my shame, I had a bit of a fling with one in the summer. Turned out he told me a pack of lies. He took £40 out of my purse and I never saw him again.

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    Replies
    1. Bastard... but you've learned your lesson? NO cheese smelling lorry drivers???
      Licks

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    2. What a bastard. you won't catch me near a lorry driver.

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  10. Three cyclists were killed by lorry drivers in the UK today. You better get your nasal colostomy out there quick before we lose Bradley Wiggins.

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  11. They are either fat or heavy smokers

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  12. I think people become lorry drivers because they can't handle normality. They don't know how to speak to people and lack social skills........and they smell!

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    Replies
    1. I know an ex train driver (he doesn't have a driving licence so could never be a lorry driver) ... he lacks ALL social skills (very high IQ but no idea how to conduct himself around others)... now he works in a warehouse... and, in his (only) defence, doesn't smell of pee or cheese... but he is a tosser!!

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    2. Is he a dogger?

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  13. They stink of pee.

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  14. I'm a trucker and I never killed any hitch hikers.

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  15. I'm a trucker. Yes I'm fat. No I don't smell. Yes I like fat girls. Yes I have sex with hitch hikers when I get the chance. So what!

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    Replies
    1. I bet you don't get the chance very often

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    2. Do you go doggng?

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    3. Where do you dump your bodies?

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    4. I bet fat girls are the only ones that let you near them. You have sex with them because that is all you can get. Don't pretend the fatties are your preference.

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  16. I like truckers. They even make me look sexy.

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  17. I love truckers. For a small fee they will dump our scum in Germany or France.

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  18. I accepted a lift off a trucker once. His cab was full of bottles of piss because he wouldn't stop to use the toilet. He only stopped for me because he thought he could have sex with me. I wouldn't give him a blowjob, so he stopped and threw me out. The dirty bastard.

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    Replies
    1. You should have called the police. I hope you learnt a lesson and you are more careful in future.

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  19. The contents of a nasal colostomy bag could be resold as wallpaper paste.

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  20. seriously what is the axe going to do in the cab of a truck?
    a gun or knife are one thing but an axe .... ummmm no room to swing it.

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