If you're a bit of a fat ugly munter, finding a partner or even a friend can be difficult. A lonely, but brief life stretches before you.
Don't lose heart, you can always get a pet. Obviously a dog is out of the question. We all know how you feel about exercise. So why not consider a cat? Cats pretty much take care of themselves, leaving you free to stuff your face.
For fat ugly people, owning cats is also a selfless act. You are clearly a heart attack waiting to happen. As a single lonely person, some unfortunate relative is going to have to shell out for your very expensive funeral with extra costs for an excessively large coffin an additional pall bearers. However, if you are the owner of cats this won't be an issue. When you die they will simply eat you.