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Friday, 5 April 2013

Human Resources

As Europe undergoes financial hardship, businesses everywhere are looking to save money to cut their overheads. Unfortunately, this often means the reduction of staff. Unemployment follows as sure as night follows day. However, this need not necessarily be the case.

A recent trip to the cinema opened my eyes to an appalling waste of human resources. A bored usherette stood to the side of the restless audience, brandishing a tray of over priced refreshments. Not a single potential customer approached her or even acknowledged her existence. Anybody requiring refreshments to enhance their cinematic experience would have saved a small fortune by bringing their own with them.

She served no purpose and gained little in the way of job satisfaction. It is only a matter of time before the manager views her as surplus to requirements and the axe falls once again. Fortunately, I've come up with a cunning plan. Rather than laying anybody off, why not just shuffle around the workforce and create a new position the would enhance the cinema goers enjoyment. I suggest the new position of Child Puncher. They could stealthily move about in the darkness, punching children that annoy other cinema goers with their ceaseless chatter and bouts of whopping cough. Just look at the benefits. Cinema goers have a more enjoyable experience, the employee has fulfilling employment and job satisfaction and to top it all, it would make for great entertainment should the movie fail to impress.

28 comments:

  1. I would love that job. I hate kids

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  2. I would like them to punch cinema farters as well.

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  3. Whatever happened to snogging in the back row of the cinema?

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    Replies
    1. People like you made the seats all sticky

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    2. But I bet people like you watched her!

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  4. You can do more than snog if you go to the right kind of cinema.

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    Replies
    1. I would love to star in an adult movie, but I'm probably too old now.

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    2. I bet plenty of people would love to see you in a sexy adult movie.

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    3. Why not make your own porn movie. You could sell it online.

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    4. I would buy it. x

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  5. what would a child puncher do at the drive-in movies?

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    Replies
    1. Why would you need a child puncher at a drive-in? Think about it!

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  6. They should pay them a bonus for stamping on cellphones.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Cellphones at the movies are so annoying.

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  7. I prefer to cuddle up on the sofa with a dvd.

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  8. I once spilt a drink down the back of a kid sat in front of me because he wouldn't stop talking.

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  9. I think we should be allowed to punch kids that throw tantrums in supermarkets also.

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    Replies
    1. And spit on old people that walk too slow.

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    2. Why not piss on tramps while your at it?

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  10. Does anybody still go to the movies? I thought everyone watched dvds or movies online.

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  11. I have never been to the movies. I don't know why, I just never have.

    There is work for everyone in Israel.

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  12. I haven't been for years, but this makes me want to go again.

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  13. I like to take a dump in the cinema in the dark and then change seats and watch to see who comes and sits in it.

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    Replies
    1. That is just wrong and slightly disturbing. It is also funny in a bad way.

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    2. Thats sick, but it is kind of funny

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    3. That is so wrong and yet so funny

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