A couple of days ago, a man dressed as Batman, accompanied his friend, who was wanted by the Police to the police station in Bradford to hand himself in. News of this event spread around the world following a report on the BBC. People actually believed that the criminal had been arrested by the wannabe superhero.
He did it for a laugh. However, with the present government continuously making cuts to the police force in a futile attempt to save money, criminals must be licking their lips at the prospects and opportunities that will surely present themselves in the absence of police on our streets. Consequently, this situation also presents new opportunities for vigilantes and would be superheroes.
Unfortunately, our bulging population does not lend itself the the usual image that most people have of superheroes. I did consider giving it a go myself, following an unfortunate incident where I got bitten by a radioactive rat. I didn't really gain any super powers, but I did lose the ability to vomit, and I now tend to stay very close to buildings whenever I go around corners!
The Defence Secretary ( I bet he can't even type!) announced today that due to further defence cuts, he intends to bring 16,000 troops stationed in Germany back home. This puts us in rather a precarious position. How long will it be before the Krauts start thinking third time lucky!
It's bad enough that we already have to share an aircraft carrier with the French. History suggests that they aren't the most reliable of allies.
Their lack of enthusiasm in a brawl is a concern, but there are other issues that the aforementioned partnership raises. Which nation has control of the galley? The French have very different ideas as to what constitutes a palatable dish. They eat horses (by choice), frogs and snails. Pretty much anything that can be found dead in a pond on drainage ditch.
I would like to take a few liberties with French cuisine. Do you think that if the dishes were presented in the correct manner, the French would be able to tell the difference between frogs and toads, horse and zebra, or even slugs and snails?
I was driving down the M5 motorway today, when I found myself stuck behind a lorry, proudly displaying a Wide Load notice on the rear. I pondered the relevance of this notice. Was it referring to the vehicle or the driver? You never seem to see a thin lorry driver, and I want to know why!
I accept that they spend much of their day sitting down, and I'm ignorant to the calorific value of Yorkie Bars and Pro Plus. I also acknowledge that very little energy is expended in concealing illegal immigrants, but surely raping and murdering hitch hikers must be the equivalent of a good workout!
Apparently the Pope is knackered. After years of covering up the crimes of paedophiles and promoting the spread of AIDS, the poor old Nazi has had enough.
He wasn't the first Nazi Pope. Pope Pius XII had previously filled that role. However, unless the Catholic church can dig up a Neo-Nazi, he will probably be the last. Although I wouldn't put that past them.
So if anyone knows an ageing virgin keen on instructing others in their chosen sexual practises, who wants to live in a palace whilst preaching to others about giving to the poor and likes the taste of tarmac, please put them in touch with the Vatican.
As mentioned previously, I'm no big fan of horses. However, not being the kind of person to cause unnecessary upset, I've been pondering the dilemma of what to do should someone ever give me a horse.
In the past, your option for equine disposal have been glue or string. I was never really sure which was the most profitable. Fortunately, this quandary no longer exists. The answer is clearly lasagna.
I can't say I'm fully in favour of the introduction of Sharia Law into the UK. There are certain aspects that quite frankly, don't appear to make any sense whatsoever. Having women walk three paces behind men may well raise the men's street credibility, but it's no way to clear a mine field.
However, I am in favour of the Burqa. I have always been a believer in equality for women, and nothing beats the burqa for creating a level playing field. If all women wore burqas, even the ugly ones would be in with a shout for a bit of action. Gingers, fatties, the deformed, hairy or just plain weird looking all have parity with the normal women. Although any woman with a lazy eye or a squint would be considered a right minger!
One thing that does strike me as a little hypocritical about the compulsory introduction of the burqa, is that I was under the impression that the Qur'an was against gambling. Yet picking a bride must surely have greater odds than the throwing of any dice.
The Berrow's Journal of Worcester, claims to be the oldest newspaper in the world. They are rightly proud of this fact, and relay old stories in a weekly feature as a kind of demonstration of their history of recording local events.
They claim that 250 years ago, on Sunday last, died David Moore, Master of the Old Coffee House, Worcester. He was valued and esteemed by the nobility and gentry that frequented it, for his obliging behaviour, and is much lamented by all his acquaintances.
I think perhaps I should be extending my demands as a customer beyond requesting almond syrup in my latte. I've clearly been selling myself short!
